dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
