Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
too bad you live with your parents still
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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