I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
