i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
