im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize