is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
