This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
