I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love having hate sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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