At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
