I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
