Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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