Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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