Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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