i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
