Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
