8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Screwed.edu
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
