I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
