The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
A+ Viking dick
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