I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
His nipple licking is glorious
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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