His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
