take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
