I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
