In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
