whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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