She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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