i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
