Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
