the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
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It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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