I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
