I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
40s are totally the cure
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
