Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
