Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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