Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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