you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just puked most of my soul out..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
