i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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