I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
