please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I could make wine with my vomit
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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