I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
