I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
