that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
