so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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