You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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