I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
