it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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