apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
