Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
