In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
