I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
