I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
