i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
