If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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