Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
