3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
