ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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