I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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