There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
