someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
