I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I understand Curling. That high.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
