her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
