my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
